Monday, February 22, 2010

Mud Soup is the New Mud Pie

I'm just about the prettiest thing there is on this earth. That may sound conceited, but I assure you it's the absolute truth.

Sometimes a little spa pampering is just what I need after a long day of sleeping, barking, sleeping, poking my nose in my food and spreading it around the house but not actually eating it, sleeping, and trying on new collars. On days like these it seems that a cool mud bath is in order. It's not just great for the skin - it tastes delicious too.

Friday, February 19, 2010

New Furniture Needed

I know the economy is bad and we all need to buckle down, but this is
a little ridiculous. Is only half of me supposed to sleep at a time?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Wine is Boring

Really? I'm supposed to just sit and wait 21 days for this garbage to settle before bottling? No way. I have more important things to chase my tail and sniff other dogs' butts.

Maybe a little nap here will speed things along.


Sunday, February 14, 2010


I totally see you there squirrel. Sure there's a tree to your right, but you're stuck out there on a ledge. You think you can make it to the tree before I do? Well?

Make your move.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Beethoven's Wine

If there's one lesson we all took away from Disney's movie "Ratatouille" it's that rats can compete with the best chefs in the world. And since I'm a billion times smarter than a rat I should be able to make one of the world's best wines.

Of course I can't taste it because anything grapey kills dogs. But not being able to hear didn't stop Beethoven...

And stay away from my jug of wine. It's resting.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

One Eye

The little guy sleeps with one eye open - always alert for danger so I can get a full day of beauty sleep. It's the dedication and constant vigilance that earns him the giant bed while I take the floor.

And yes, that vest is bulletproof.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


It's important to always have my crew any time I roll in public. The only problem here is that the two guys my right are fixed, and at time of publication the one on the left is fixed too. Wait. Did I say that was a problem? Men are so much more useful this way.
[Not pictured: my bodyguard is sitting in the cab.]

Saturday, February 6, 2010


I earn my keep by being intimidating. What I don't need is somebody checking up on me all the time. I can do this just as well lying down as standing up, thank you very much.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


Today was just one of those days. I knocked my water dish over, I chewed a hole in my favorite toy and a stranger freaked me out so I peed on the carpet. If my agent calls, I'll be hiding in my fort trying my best to look like the carpet.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Try Again

You think you can entertain me with your silly green and purple ball? Please. You're going to have to try a bit harder. Set me up with a PS3. Or at least something that squeaks when I bite it.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Dinner Time

Why are you staring? You expect me to eat from some giant metal bowl on the floor? If I'm going to eat bugs it's because I want to, not because they stumbled into my dish when I wasn't looking.

You there, with the opposable thumbs. Make dinner happen for me now.